Home is where I want to be

It happened again.  I’m lost in the world.

IMG_6510

 I never got homesick because I had you.

Many of you(s).

I’ve been in consecutive, sometimes overlapping, relationships since I was 14 years old.

I’m 30 now, alone, living with myself for the first time.

Single.

Ugh.

Without the warmth of your body intertwined with mine.

I’ve always used women as my Higher Power.

I was completely delusional to think I held power to “get” someone, and then obnoxiously powerless over “keeping” someone.

I just don’t know how to be.

It’s always black + white.

I’m romantic, or a psycho.

Healthy relationships, haven’t witnessed any.. How would I know how to sustain one?

I’m a great salesman.  Connection junkie.  Charming.  Manipulative.

Under it all, sadness and rage lie resting with eyes wide open.

Keep hurting people so that you’ll never be hurt again.  Nice mantra.  Asshole.

A tornado in the lives of others.  A sick little soul, yearning for spiritual growth.. and acceptance.

I can finally see that I’m worth fighting for.

But is it really okay to be exactly who I am?

You abandoned me.  Us.

Truth, you abandoned yourself.  I wish I could have stopped you.

The only time in my life I saw forever, and she’s gone.

Can I open my heart up again?  Light will crave to get in there..

God’s got a plan.

I should probably show up to the meeting where I get to see the blueprint.

THIS MUST BE THE PLACE

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